D Day – The Real One…

So the big day finally arrived… and I was ill. Just what a bride wants right, to wake up the day before her wedding and to have little or no voice left? I’m sure everyone else thoroughly enjoyed the ‘quiet time’ but for me it was a case of tonsillitis. Great. So much for my big plans of a girly evening the night before the wedding. I had to leave dinner early and headed to bed at just gone 8pm. Gutted.

Darren getting to work on making us fabulous!

She needed a LOT of make up for me that morning!

After a pretty fitful nights sleep (or lack there of), the morning finally came around the day got into it’s hectic yet fun filled rhythm. Marc and Darren arrived to start trying to tame our many wild manes whilst Bobbi had the unenviable job of trying to make me look beautiful. It’s a hard job, believe me.

Alison at Lili Floral Art - I LOVE you!

Kats cake - perfect - she even made a little kilt for Frase! Ahhh!

The cake arrived, the flowers looked amazing and we were finally ready. It was time to go…

Thank God for Reebie - she's got a strong pull!

It was the wrong car but it still did the trick...

The Piper waited patiently for us at the Church and announced our arrival (and my screeching at my poor sister to GET OFF MY BLOODY TRAIN! – Then I realised it was me who was stood on it – oops).

Well, they know we're coming now...

The ceremony was AMAZING and I even managed to not wet myself laughing or cry hysterically.

Ahhh, it looks so big but the Church is actually tiny!

As we signed the register the gorgeous Lee gave us our wedding present as he sang ‘Two Coins’ to our waiting guests. It was perfect.

The wonderful Lee in full swing - the only part I actually cried at!

A register signing and a few snaps later and we were ready to hit the road and head back to the reception to get the real party started!

Presenting - the new Mr & Mrs Jamieson! Ahhh!

The reception was amazing and everything fell into place! My Mom was astounded by the Steel Band, the kids (and my sister and brother in law), loved the lawn games – especially the space hopper races and I even managed to win a toy or two on the coconut shy.

One word - AMAZING!

Love it! So did they apparently!

Well, actually I didn’t but hey I was the bride – they took pity on me and gave me a few due to my pathetically bad aim! Oh well, same outcome – I still got a toy! Yay!

Woo Hoo for the flower power!

Everyone looked so lovely too – it was great to have most of our family and friends there to celebrate with us – I just wish that EVERYONE could have been there – oh well, maybe next time… (don’t worry I’m talking about vow renewals not another marriage!)

My favourite photo - my beautiful Momma & my little man (well, Gary & Emma's actually), Charlie!

Everyone (I think) had an amazing day and I got to marry my man so all in all, the Bridezilla-ness and all the sleepless nights were definitely worth it. Now to plan the vow renewals….

True Scotsman?....

Pre-Shoot!

Ok so D-Day arrived (the pre-shoot wedding photos that is!) To say I was dreading it would be putting it mildly. I tend to take after my dear mother and hate having my photo taken for fear of constantly looking like a muppet! David McNeil though, being the legend that he is, even managed to make me lose my ‘wonky eye’ to result in some not so horrific pics of me and the hubby to be! If anyone wants a butchers then check out his blog at http://www.davidmcneil.co.uk/blog/ 

I especially love the ball and chain... seems kind of appropriate...

‘Bloody’ hen do…

It really was you know! Considering I didn’t even want ONE hen do, I was supposed to be having 4. If however, Friday night was anything to go by, I’m cancelling the rest of them!

So first of all everything went pear-shaped and I ended up being sat drinking a cafetière of coffee with my gorgeous cousin-in-law whilst almost everyone else around me was well on the way to being hammered. I then had a wee blub, got annoyed, had an argument with someone and then finally started getting in the party mood in time for almost everyone else to go home! This left me with my 3 amigos – the fab Tookie (also known as Brown Owl), the more than slightly bonkers Marie (also knows as Greeners) and the future sister-in-law who already insists on calling me JJ (amongst other things I’m sure!)

Things were looking up, we were all having a good old boogie and Marie was getting snap happy with someone’s (not sure who’s at this point), camera. I was encouraged to pose and me being the drama queen that I am decided to throw myself down rather than to gracefully lie down. Needless to say I didn’t realise where my head was in relation to anything else until I felt possibly the worst pain ever and noticed that my head seemed to be all cold and wet. Unfortunately it wasn’t the beer I thought I’d knocked over but instead was the blood gushing from my somewhat scattered brain – lovely.

During all this my delightful friends are still unashamedly (and to be fair unawaredly – yes I know that’s not a word), snapping pics of me in various states of pain. A while later (and after more ‘happy snapping’ from Marie), I find myself in A&E getting my head glued back together amongst shouts of ‘its all right we’ve got a brown owl’ to ‘I’m a girl guide not a brown owl’ to ‘its ok Jen, I’ll shave your head if they need to stitch it back up’ (thanks Marie but as if I’d let you anywhere near me with a razor blade, let alone one you’ve nicked from a hospital whilst my head is bleeding open!!!)

All in all I think its safe to say a few things:

1). I am never having another hen party again (probably!)

2). I am never letting Marie near me when she’s got either a, a camera, or b, a razor blade.

3.) Tookie is a girl guide and not a brown owl.

4.) My future sister-in-law is fab (and obviously so are Marie and Carrie duh!)

5). There are probably going to be some really horrific photos of me appearing on Facebook soon. Great.

Oh. The. Joy.

On the way to A&E - I'm feeling like I might be sick and my head is bleeding open but at least Brown Owl looks happy...

Small change…

As you can probably see my site has taken on a bit of a change – but fear not people – the blogging will continue in its sporadic glory for the duration of the pre-wedding jitters! I just needed somewhere to put all my wedding info since my ‘wedding site’ got hacked! Oh the joy!

Muchos loveos!

x

D.I.Y Wedding?

You bet ya! Look, despite what people may think, I do have some small grasp on reality and understand the potential cost of a wedding as fab as I would ideally like it. So I have two options. 1, give up on the dream (not happening). Or, 2, make as much of it as I can myself and cut costs that way. (Genius!)

Luckily for me I am a ‘creative type’ and like making stuff. Even luckier still I have a future sister-in-law who has lovely handwriting and is also of the same ‘type’, as me. Invites here we come!!! (Fast forward a few months and we’ll both probably have arthritis and hand cramps but never mind ey?!)

My theory is though, if we start making now, we should be done by February! Haha! Actually that’s probably about right… oh dear…

Maybe I should get Carolyn one of these to sweeten the deal...

The Countdown Continues…

Only 325 days to go! (Although I’m sure I must’ve counted that wrong because I’m sure it must be less than 300 by now!!!) So what’s new?! Ummm, well – very exciting – the bridesmaids dresses have arrived and look fabulous! So excited I almost want one myself…

My dress is still yet to arrive but then I guess I do still have a wee while until I actually need it! I also succumbed to the feeling of stupidity and gave in to my sister and Mom’s moans and actually got some kind of head gear. Ugh. So notme. Anyhoo, apart from that I’m a pretty happy bunny at the mo – well – with the wedding and stuff anyway! Work is still work! Ugh!

Ooo this is so what I need!!!

Flour Power… You’re Havin’ A Laugh Love!

So the A-Team van idea is out of the window, how about the Trotter Van? My nickname at Uni was Delboy after all?! (Virtually anything you wanted I could get! Only legal stuff of course mommy dearest…) Anyhoo, Fraser liked that idea even less, and I didn’t even think that was possible! Back to boring old wedding cars we go (no offense Titch!)

Update… I love my cousin-in-law. No really, I do. The gorgeously fabulous Kat (not the Pink haired rock’n'roll one, the groovy chef one), has made my year by agreeing to make my wedding cake for me! Yay! I always thought wedding cakes were expensive but never actually realised quite howexpensive until I went cake shopping with my sis last week. To say I nearly passed out was an understatement! Have to say though, my acting skills are improving all the time. I even managed to pretend that I thought £895 for a two tier cake was cheap, whilst my brain was screaming ‘are you fu*king nuts love?!’ and my heart was pounding like a budgie in a cats gob! Bloomin ridiculous!!!

The fab Kat has saved the day though and I can not wait til July 17th next year to eat it! Only 339 days to go!! Yay!

I particularly like the claw marks he's making...

Imagine This…

… The guests have arrived at the reception venue and they’re waiting for us to make our entrance as Mr and Mrs Jamieson for the first time. All of a sudden they hear dun, dun, dun, du du du, dun, dun, dun, du, du, duuuu… and then the A-Team van comes spinning around the corner and slams to a stop – and out jumps – us!! How awesome would that be?!? I think it’d be hilarious!!! I want it I want it I want it!!!! (Now imagine a cross between an excited squealing fit/ temper tantrum – that was me – I even stomped my foot like a proper child when I suggested it!)

Fraser however said (or shrieked) ’I do not want my wedding to turn into a joke and I will not do a diving roll out of the A-Team van in a kilt…’  How bloody annoying… Grrrr….

It would be AMAZING I tell you!!!!

Save the Date!

They finally arrived!!! The ‘save the dates’ that is! Woo hoo! Watch out for an envelope near you people! (I should probably show them to Fraser too though first…hmmm…) They’re smaller than I thought they would be (insert rude joke here), but hey they still have everything they need to on them so that’s all that matters right?!

I know that its still over 300 days away and as the lovely Mr Simon pointed out today, the chances are that by the time the wedding actually comes around, there will have already been about a thousand parties to celebrate it,  but I can’t hep it, I’m just soooo excited!!! I’m allowed though right - its my wedding day after all!!

Yay!!!

And Another Thing…

It’s just gone 1am and I am still wide awake. (I also apparently get hay-fever - but only at night – is that weird?!?) Anyhoo, I went shopping today after the death session (spin class), and actually ended up getting a tiara – but I’m not really sure why. I also got a bag but that’s not the issue. The issue is the tiara. I am not, by any means, a Princess. So why on earth did i just spend a small fortune on a bit of wire with a few sparkly bits on it that doesn’t even really fit my head properly or go with my dress? I have NO idea!  

Some people are tiara people. Some people are climb a tree and get dirty people. I consider myself to be somewhere between the two. But what does a head piece for a scamp look like? A bunch of twigs with a few leaves sticking out of it maybe?! I have no idea! Now my friend Kat, she wears a tiara whenever she feels like it. But she’s cool and a bit rock’n'roll - hence her blog - www.rocknrollbride.com. Me however? I’m just a plain jane with a a fascination for all things a bit strange – but the problem is I’m not at all cool and I’m not a Princess! I also don’t want people to look at me on my wedding day and think what a twonk I look. So my question is, what on earth do I do with my bonce?!

 

A tad ott maybe?

You Spin Me Round…

So today was the ‘official’ beginning of the ‘get fit for the wedding’ programme. I actually did something that I always swore I would never put myself through. I actually did a spin class! Ugh! Now for anyone that knows me this will be a shock. I am a person that would rather drive to the corner shop rather than walk the twenty metres to get there by foot. And yes, driving does take longer but I’m not time-lazy, I’m just execriseally challenged. And yes I know that’s not even a word but it should be. If I could just have someone suck the fat out of my backside and stick it in my boobs I would be a very happy humpy. But alas, the wonders of modern medicine seem to be unable to do that at the local gp drop-in so I’m reduced to sweating like a beast and limping like a Muppet (one class and I swear I’ve permanently damaged my left leg). Why do people do this to themselves?!  

I’ve even started doing press ups every day to get that ‘toned’ look. Can I not just have arm-o-suction instead? It’d be much easier and probably a lot less painful I’m sure. Is a bingo wing or two really such a bad thing? Ugh. It’s all such an effort!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I never used to be like this. When I was at school I was on every team going – I even created a few because there weren’t enough to keep me busy. But alas, school, college and then finally, uni ended and so did my get up and go – it just got up and went actually. It was however to be replaced –  replaced by an even stronger desire – to sit on my ass and do bugger all. Ahhh, that was the life… Bloody wedding…

 

Ugh it's all too much like hard work...

Yes Dear…

So whilst I’m not quite back at square one in terms of the whole thing, I am now very confused. I’m a pretty indecisive person at the best of times but give me a year and a budget to plan something and I’m royally screwed. Who can decide on just two colours for instance when there’s a whole rainbow to choose from?! Who can pick just 40 songs out of the millions of classic tunes ever written?! Who can decide what flavour of cake they want when they all taste soooo good?! It’s bloomin’ impossible honestly!

Fraser has almost gotten to the ‘yes dear’ phase where he actually manages to listen to me even less now than he did before – who’d have thought that was even possible?! To be fair though he does indulge my craziness more often than most sane people would. He even took me out for a ‘pre-anniversary’ dinner to celebrate the ‘one year ’til the big day’ day! See! It’s not just my fault that I’m nuts! He almost encourages it!

 

Fraser does the very same thing... Haha...

Control Freak

So apparently being organised makes me nuts! OK, I’m nuts! So frickin what I say?! I have since decided that if things were left to boys, nothing, I repeat NOTHING, would ever get done! I may be a little over organised but where’s the harm in that?! I would HATE to not have everything that we want at the wedding just because I was a little slack at sorting stuff out!

I have to admit though, it was almost a little embarassing when I got a discount on some wedding stuff because they thought I’d left it to the last minute – until my dear sister pointed out that it was actually July next year! Needless to say he muttered a few words about control freak and laughed his socks off. Oh the joy.

 

Now I just need the t-shirt... haha

Life’s Necessities… Shoes!

I actually think that the thing that has gotten me the most excited in all this wedding-shopping-ness has been the idea of the shoe shopping!!! I was so excited I might as well have won the lottery (OK not that excited, but you get the drift…) Alas though, my hopes were a smidge dashed when Jimmy Choo didn’tlive up to my expectations and I’ve seen better suited wedding shoes in Clarks than in most of the Bridal shops I’ve been in!

Fear not though people, once again the lovely people of Dune ganged up on me by creating, quite possibly, the best shoes EVER! I swear they were made to fit my feet! I love them I love them I love them!!! And the best bit was they cost less than a third of my shoe budget! So guess what? I got another 2 pairs too! Yay! (Perhaps best if we don’t tell Fraser that though… he’s under the bizarre impression than 74 pairs of shoes is too many… silly boy…) hehehe

Ugh as if!!!

Bag Lady

Can I wrangle some kind of an excuse for me to need a Mulberry handbag for my wedding day? Now that IS the question!

So there I was, looking at all these pretty little bags for my bridesmaids (not that they really need them either to be fair…), and it suddenly occurred to me, that if they’re allowed one, surely I am too? I mean, where else will I keep my lippy and loo roll? (For blubberation that is, I would hope that the venue would supply their own for the other purpose of loo roll…)

It seems so obvious now that, of course I need a nice new bag, and I’m just appalled with myself for not realising it sooner! Whats wrong with me?! This wedding thing is totally messing with my shopability!

So, what's a good company for a nice little wedding bag... Mulberry me thinks... or is that pushing my luck a tad too far I wonder...

THE Dress!

So after trying on about 30 or 40 dresses, I went back to the first shop and – wait for it – bought the seventh dress I tried on! Yay! Not quite as good as my sisters record (got the first one she tried on!), but still pretty good! And I absolutely love it! It’s very beautiful and very gorgeous and very fab! And I think I might wear it for about a month, you know, just to potter around in after the wedding! Oooo I can’t wait! I’m so excited I feel like I might just burst! 

So after nearly giving up, I’ve decided that it is quite true, you actually do ‘just know’ when you try on the ‘one’. I know it took me another 33 dresses to realise that, but in my meager defence, it was the ‘one’ that I couldn’t stop thinking about all the time. I just couldn’t decide if it was just a bit too weird…

 

You'll just have to wait until the day... so there!

Love It, Love It, Love It!

Guess what?! My 3 totally different Charlie’s Angels bridesmaids (one blonde, one brunette one red head!), all loved the same dress that I did – and in the same colour too! Chances were slim to none – and no one tried to kill each other either – even better! Whoop whoop! Bridesmaids – tick! A very successful shopping day indeedy!

Managed to get the bridesmaids dresses within the space of a couple of hours, then went and got the shoes and bags too! Even managed to convince the guy in the shoe shop to give me the shoes for the sale price – even though the sale didn’t start til the following day! Woo Hoo! Man’s a legend! 

I am soooo excited now! Just wish I didn’t have to wait 13 months til the big day! Oh well, will have to just keep myself occupied with planning more stuff and buying more fab things! Yay!

 

Mr McNeil, I would like a photo of my lot in this pose please

Not Another One!

Dress shopping is officially a nightmare! I’ve dragged my poor mother and sister around about 6 or 7 different bridal shops in the space of a day and a half, tried on about 40 dresses and still can’t decide! I’ve been pulled from pillar to post and hooked up in corsets that would make Madonna look fat and I’m about to give up! I’m off to the first shop I went in to again tomorrow  morning and if I don’t like anything then, I’m giving up. Literally, I’m just gonna stop looking, have a three month holiday from it – it’s not as if I don’t have enough time to do that!

Every dress has been beautiful, gorgeous actually, but I’m still not sure. I’ve seen four dresses that I really like, or at least I think I do, but I still can’t decide! And tomorrow I’m supposed to be shopping for bridesmaids dresses! How the nora am I supposed to do that if I don’t even know what I want for myself anymore! Ugh!

Too much bloody choice, that's the real problem! Grrr!

How Mean Is Too Mean???

In my life I have been forced to wear one truly hideous and one not-quite-so-hideous, bridesmaids dress. And now it’s my turn to bestow that honour upon three other unsuspecting people. So my question is, just how much poofy-ness should I enforce? A little poof or a big poof?

My sister (also one of my bridesmaids – insert evil laugh here), made me wear the not-so-hideous dress. She did, however, insist on me wearing this ruddy great lilac fake silky flower thing smacked straight on the top of my head and my hear in a french plait! To say I looked like a complete twonk from the neck up would not be much of an exaggeration. So, do I be nice or do I seek the ultimate brides-revenge and make them wear something truly gob-smackingly-makes the ugly ducking look like a gorgeous swan-awful monstrosity?! (Insert second evil laugh here!)

I’m taking votes people, so far its about 50-50 and it’s two days to go ’til the hunt begins and my victims, sorry, bridesmaids, are assembled… (Evil laugh three here – feeling very evil today, can you tell?!) Mwah-hah-haaaa!!! (Best evil I can do I’m afraid!)

Ooo, very fetching...

There’s A Hole In My Pocket…

… Oh no wait, I’m just paying for a wedding! Silly me! My wedding is 402 days away and already I’m forking our muller left, right and centre. Or Church, Venue and Photographer to be more precise. I feel like I should have a card made up saying ‘Deposits ‘R’ Us’ or something. So much for having a year to save up! My savings account already has more of a dent in it than a demolition derby car! And that’s before I’ve even really started! Oh the joy!

All of a sudden the idea of asking for money as wedding presents doesn’t sound like such a horrible idea… maybe it could be used to fill in some of the gaps… or at the very least pay for a wedding element or two… hmmm…

Who am I kidding, I’d feel like a tight cow. I guess I’ll just have suck it up and cut down on the roller disco’s and 80′s fancy dress costumes… boo…

If someone would like to buy me one of these please, that'd be great...

Ding Ding, Round 1

The gloves are off and I’m coming out screaming! Grrr! Honestly, I thought that dress shopping was supposed to be fun? Exciting? More like stressful. I have officially gone nuts. Why did no one tell me that Bridal shops are closed on a Monday? Why did no one tell me that everyone and their uncle would want an opinion on what I was wearing? Why did no one tell me that apparently, my opinion doesn’t count?!

I was under the silly, misjudged, disillusioned idea, that as its my wedding, I could chose what I wore and that everyone else was just coming with me to the dress shops to go ‘oooh’ and ‘ahhhh’, not to pass comment on my skin tone, complexion, what’s considered to be ‘me’ and what’s considered to be ‘ridiculous’. I think that if I wanted to wear a bright green and pink spotty wedding dress, then I should be allowed to do so!!! (I’m not by the way, just making a point!) I mean, come on, if I’m paying for it, why the heck can’t I pick it on my own?! Grrr!!!

I wonder how many people could I annoy with a train this big... hmmm

The Cold Front…

Ahh, an additional delight to the highs of wedding planning is the unfortunate, yet unavoidable, bloody awful cold. Yes that’s right, apparently all bride to be’s (of the ones I know anyway), have suffered a cold that actually resembles a tornado of the nose.

I feel like utter crap. But on the bright side, (according to Fraser), I still get to try on wedding dresses in two days time! Yay! Not. I mean, isn’t that exactlty how I dreamt I’d be when I did that – shaking but sweating, puffy eyed and runny nosed, delirious from drugs rather than happiness. Great. Every piece of tissue feels like sand paper and my nose resembles a scabby knee. Now picture me in a beautiful wedding dress! I don’t think so!

She may look cute & intelligent but I'm sure she gave me puppy flu! Lexi!!!

Colour Me Bad

Why can’t red just be called red? Or green be called green? Or purple be called purple? But no, instead of just making things easy, bridesmaids dresses apparently don’t come in regular labelled colours – they have names like ‘luxury cherry’, ‘banoffee pie’ or ‘eggplant milk’ – ugh what a palaver!!!

The woman in the shop looked at me like I was speaking another language when I asked her if she had any blue dresses! Apparently, they don’t do ‘blue’ (said with a look of pure disgust I might add!), they did however do things like ‘midday sky’, ‘cotton cornflower’ and ‘ice maid’ (I thought the  last one sounded quite appropriate for one of my bridesmaids…. just kidding!) But honestly, is a bride to be’s life not confusing enough trying to pick one colour from the regular rainbow without getting all Joseph’s coat on us?! Ugh!!!

 

And this is just page one of about 20! Pick a colour! Any colour! Help!

P.S. 2

… By the way, I didn’t wear the pole dancing shoes… Fraser did though! Kidding people, kidding!

No wonder the bus driver kept looking at me funny...

Nervous Chat…

One of the things that I find most difficult is talking. (No seriously – once you’ve finished laughing and disagreeing, I’ll explain.) Whenever I feel nervous I have an overwhelmingly bad case of verbal diarrhoea. I literally can not shut up! It doesn’t matter who I’m with, where I am or what I’m trying to say. I just talk pure pants. Of course I know I’m doing it, I’m only too aware, but I just can’t stop myself. Hence why I was so worried about meeting the Reverend for the first time…

Luckily though, Fraser is only too used to my incessant rambling so was well prepared with cut-me-off comments and come backs so the only real shocker was when I volunteered my friend Carrie to sing in the church – great considering not only have I not even asked her, but I’ve also never actually heard her sing anywhere other than in the car (and I don’t think singing along to ‘put a ring on it’ is really a church approved demonstration of her talents?! No offense lovie.

Anyhoo, the result of this continual struggle for me to keep my gob shut long enough to let the Reverend actually speak, was that he actually AGREED to marry us! Woo Hoo! So put it in your diaries people, July 17th next year at 2pm the bells will be ringing! Woo Hoo! (And Fraser will probably be heard crying and screaming ‘what have I done at about 2:05pm!)

Isn't it gorgeous! I can't wait! Yay!

Life’s A Bitch & So Am I!!!

Not under usual circumstances – honest. But today, hmmm, I’m feeling like my inner bitch wants to escape and scream at the world. A word of warning for all future B2B’s (and probably to their other halves too…), you will get stroppy, so try, as best as you can, to not have to work 17 hour days and not have a day off in two weeks – it kind of pushes you over the edge and opens up the other people in your life, to the devastatingly cutting/ sharp as a knife, tongue lashings that only a B2B can truly give. So, if you want people to still be talking to you by the time of the actual wedding, I suggest hibernation (or at least until all your quotes are in and you’ve met the Reverend!)

Oh, and on that note, I think it would be fair to say, and more importantly, accurate, for me to say, that I am not only worried about meeting him, I’m actually, terrified. I feel sick I’m so nervous – what if he doesn’t like me? What if he thinks he shouldn’t marry us? What do I do then? What if he doesn’t like my outfit or my shoes? Can a Reverend judge you based on the slutty-ness of your shoes (not that I’m planning on wearing my pole dancing shoes, but even so…). Can my wedding plans be over before they’ve even really started? God really does have all the power… I hope his list is more favourable to me than Santa’s is… ugh!

Perhaps a little o.t.t to meet the Reverend?!?

Insomnia + Lots To Do + Stress = Grumpy Bride

You have no idea. Everything is annoying me. I mean EVERYTHING people. Not just big things, small things, little tiny, usually only mildly aggravating things, are driving me up the wall! I seem to day dream about doing my best Jackie Chan and kicking some serious tushes all the way to mars and back! Are all B2B’s this grumpy this quickly or am I just an exception to the rule? (Usually I’d quite like that but I’m even driving myself mad with my grumpyness!) I’ve begun to take the word ‘touchy’ to a whole new level! 

And because of all my stress about everything from work to what to wear to meet the Reverend, my sleep pattern is messed up even by my standards (and that is REALLY messed up by the way). Work is driving me slowly insane and I can’t seem to coordinate a piss up in a brewery – literally! Trying to organise 5 girls from 4 cities to go dress shopping is a task in need of military precision – and I just don’t have the energy! I’m this close (holding my fingers about two millimeters apart), to telling everyone to just bugger off and leave me alone – and I’m not even slightly into the whole planning thing properly yet! 

Blimey people, you’d better all watch out the month before the wedding if my current mood is anything to go by… Grrr…

 

I'd say this is me but I'm not that cute...

Get A Room!

I’m trying to! For all my wedding crap! (Notice how when I started this blog it was ‘wonderful wacky wedding stuff’ and now its simply referred to as ‘wedding crap!’) The joy of being a month in…

I know I’ve only been a future hitched person for just over  a month now, but I seem to have acquired a substantially large amount of… ‘wonderful wacky wedding stuff’(!) I seem to have somehow developed an infatuation with anything wedding related – or anything that could even somehow remotely be weddingesque. I was in M&S today and that’s when it hit me. I’ve gone nuts(er). I almost bought a bag of gold hearts and a bird cage – no idea why – I could just picture them in my head in a nice wedding scene! Add to that the 30 or 40 other things I’ve got stashed at various people’s houses and, well, to put it plainly, I’m buggered! We live in a small one bedroom flat for goodness sake! Oh dear…

Mooooooommmmm!!! Can I borrow a room please for the next 15 months??? Love yooouuuuuu!!! (Creep creep…)

 

I'm in here somewhere...

My Ugly Mug…

So I was having a little chat with a friend of mine yesterday and she asked me about stamps. ‘Stamps?’ I hear you ask?! Well that’s what I said too. She was wondering whether or not I was going to get some stamps made. Postage stamps. Made. With our ugly mugs on it?! I didn’t even know that was possible…?!

So my question is this people - is it a bit too much to ask some poor sod to have to lick the back of our heads to stick us to an envelope…? And probably more relevant – what’s the bloody point?!

I’m really quite happy to ‘just’ have the Queen grace the front of my envelopes – if she’s good enough to run a country I think she’s just about good enough to go on my wedding stationary right?! Well, probably anyway… although I do quite fancy wearing a crown though…

Maybe looney tunes stamps would be more suitable for me... haha

Let Them Eat Cake!

I’m bloody trying to!!! I just found out something that has well and truly rattled my proverbial cage! Apparently, the fact that we’re spending X amount of muller on the venue/ food/ drinks and all that jazz, doesn’t actually matter one gnats nut when it comes to the cutting of the cake. No, if I actually want my guests to be able to eat MY cake, that I have paid for, I have to pay an extra £4-£5 PER PERSON to have someone cut it up and give it out for me! Are you bloody kidding me?! I am a Bride-To-Be for goodness sake and I am NOT in the mood to be annoyed!

I was then told that it’s actually a ‘standard charge!’ Well standard charge my arse! How about I sharpen some knives and cut the damn cake myself – and if ‘they’ happen to get in my way, perhaps the damn cake won’t be the only thing that gets sliced and diced! Have you EVER heard of anything so RIDICULOUS!!! Grrr!

Talking of nuts...

Is It Wrong To Wax?

You lot have filthy minds! I’m actually referring as to whether or not I should get wax sticks to seal envelopes? I know, I like to randomly worry about all sorts of weird and wonderful things – things that ‘normal’ people wouldn’t even think of. But hey, I never said I was ‘normal’.

Seriously though, the whole point of me making my own invites and stuff was to save money right? So how come I just did a little tally in my head and so far I seem to have spent more on ‘cool little bits’ than I could have done if I’d just ordered them online?!

I just had a little recce of my ‘wedding box’ and so far I have blank cards, coloured card, plain paper, coloured paper, silver string, silver ribbon, silver bows, silver hearts, silver flowers, little stickers, fishing wire (I don’t even know what that’s for?!), glue, sellotape, double sided tape (in three size thicknesses), a ruler, a guillotine (oh crap!) and about sixteen different coloured pens and glitter pens! And that’s without all the stuff I’ve had delivered to my Mom’s! Ooops! Don’t tell Fraser! Oh dear… I seem to be saying that a lot lately… oh dear…

Not much relevance, just thought it was funny... haha

Can You Hear The Bells?

No? Well you will on July 17th next year! (Well hopefully anyway!) Yes that’s right, we’ve FINALLY decided! A Church it is! (Now all we have to do is find one that will marry us!) How hard can it be?…

Well, we’re a Brummy and a Glaswegian, who met in America, who now live in London, who don’t get weekends off, who aren’t very religious, who picked the reception before the marriage, who have very specific tastes, who want to have a quick ceremony, who don’t want hymns, who want to get married at 2pm, who have no time to meet with Vicars, who need to finalise the date and time in the next two weeks! Simple! Not! Oh dear!

Help!!!

 

I wonder if she's free...

Do Me A Favour!

No literally, please, do me a favour! Or a hundred of the damn things actually!

Until I started the wedding thing I never really knew what a ‘Favour’ was. I mean, seriously, is there a point to them, do you have to have them, more importantly though, what are they?

Apparently they’re little ‘presents’ that you leave for your guests at their seats/ by their name cards. My question is, why? Is it not enough that I’ve spent a fortune just to have you sit there? Do I really need to spend another £5 on a little box with something in that you’ll either, a) eat and ruin said stupidly expensive dinner, or b) will lose anyway? The words ‘waste’, ‘of’ and ‘money’ come to mind…

But then hey, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t LOVE the opportunity to do something a little different and waste a bit more money! I’d spend my last penny if I thought it might make someone I care about have a giggle, so guess what people, there will be ‘favours’, just maybe not ‘normal’ ones… tehehe…

Stone to chew on anyone?

Paper Or Plastic?

Party bags that is! OK, so I know I’m 28 years old and everything, but seriously, I LOVE party bags! They were one of the best things about being a child!

Remember when you’d go to your friends houses for Birthday parties and you’d get given a little party bag with a piece of cake in and usually some sweets or maybe a water pistol or something? Didn’t you just love it?

My 21st lasted 8 days and my favourite part was the ‘six years olds’ party that I threw. It included all the 6 year old must haves from musical statues (honestly – I have photos of my very too-cool-for-school Basketball player friends bustin’ some awesome shapes on the dance floor whilst wearing spotty party hats and blowing hooters!),  to jelly and ice cream and the grand finale – the party bags! I actually gave them out at the start because I’d put wicked little games in for the boys and sparkly star shaped bangles for the girls – but either way – it rocked! They were ‘Monsters Inc’ ones and they were fab! People still talk about it – and the best comment I got was – ‘I haven’t been to a party as great as that since I was about 6 years old!’ LEGEND! My plan worked and it was fab! I love it!!!

So, what shall I have for my wedding party bags? Paper or plastic? Hmmmm….

Monsters Inc wedding party bags?! Tehehe!

Must I Do Everything Myself?!

Why is it that women are expected to do EVERYTHING?! You give a man one job to do, ONE JOB, and he still forgets to do it? And then moans at you when you remind him?! Grrr! Does my head in!!!

It always used to drive me mad when my Mom would say ‘oh, he’s a man’ – like that was a perfectly fine and just excuse for being a useless git?! And now, several years on, I find myself doing it! What’s that all about?!

My friends ask me why their other halves are so rubbish and I say, ‘oh don’t worry about it hun, he’s a man!’ Is it really just that they ‘are men’ (or overgrown boys?!) or is it just that the statement alone that makes them think they can get away without doing hardly anything? And to be fair, how many times have you just done it (whatever ‘it’ is) yourselves, just to avoid the arguments?!

Hmmm… Maybe they’re not so dumb after all…

Rude but funny, and I needed a giggle! Hehe!

A Day In The Life Of… Me… (sorry)

3am – look at the clock and wish I was asleep like ‘normal people.’

3:10am – glare at Frase and think how selfish he is for sleeping while I can’t. Pig! 

3:20am – kick Fraser for STILL BEING ASLEEP!!! Grrr…

4am – give up on trying to sleep and stop kicking Frase (sorry Frase! I guess this explains where the random bruise came from! Sorry!)

4:30am – clean the kitchen (no really) and start writing my most recent list of wedding wants – I’m now thinking helter-skelter! Yay!

5am – back to bed to try and get some sleep.

6am – Frase goes off to work and I mumble something before finally going to sleep (approximately), and start dreaming about giant dragonflies coming down the helter-skelter (maybe I won’t have one of those after all…)

10am – wake up due to the insanity of the man in the flat above me who thinks he’s one of the three tenors – in actual fact, he’s several pounds short of a full bank note! Bloomin nutter!

11am – cook dinner (gotta do it sometime and I’m bored – and still can’t sleep!)

lunchtime – have breakfast (my day is a bit backwards right?!)

4pm – have lunch (definitely screwed up day) and start looking through ‘Wedding Entertainment’ list

5pm – drive to work whilst listening to ’100 driving songs’ CD and making mental list of possible dance-making wedding tracks! Woo Hoo! (Also glaring at all the people I’m driving past who have just finished work and being jealous that I haven’t even started yet!)

6pm – get to work (TV Producer not Prostitute thankyouverymuch!)

2am – finish work, insert second CD and start the mental list of ‘last dance’ tracks – I’m thinking Chesney Hawkes – ‘One & Only’ – now that’s a tune with a capital ‘T’ if ever I’ve heard one!

2:30am – back home, get into bed and start glaring at Fraser again for being asleep and looking all peaceful, whilst knowing I probably won’t be asleep for hours.. grrr…

 

I think Fraser would quite like a contract like this...

What’s In A Name?

Should you change your name when you get married or should you keep the name that you’ve had for all of your life? Well, if it’s a good name, then yes, keep it!

I’d always planned on keeping my name, I’m the last one in my family you see, so I kind of always thought I should. That is, until I went to Uni.

Now I know most of you will find this hard to believe, but I didn’t actually get much stick for my surname at school. Not sure if that was because I went to a particularly slow or unfunny school, or maybe it was because my sister had already been there for 4 years so they were kind of used to it?

Anyway, when I went to Uni, it was like they had waited 20 years to open up this can of continual piss taking, and boy did they! So after 3 years of that, I decided that maybe I would change my name after all…

Oh, by the way, my surname is currently Humpage (or Hump Age) as my delightful uni friends decided to put all over my sports kits. Yes, you read that right, my name is Humpage…

Oh and when I get married, I’ll be Jen Jamieson… (For those of you who are as innocent as I once was, a Jen Jamieson already exists – and she’s the most famous porn star in the world)… So basically I’ll have gone from having a name that sounds pornographic, to having a name that actually IS pornographic… Oh the joy…

'This rare and interesting surname is of medieval English origin, and is an occupational name for an indoor servant' - nice - servant or a porn star? Which would you prefer?

How Truthful Should I Really Be???

Today we had ‘the chat’. The one that I’ve been dreading for a while now and the one that I knew was destined to happen soon. It was the money talk. The ‘we need a spreadsheet’ talk. My dear other half works in a bank and finds the concept of lists on paper archaic – just tell me this though – unless he wants to buy me a nifty little crackberry or a glued-to-my-hand iphone, how the heck am I supposed to go around checking my lists all the time? Unless of course I’m expected to lug a ruddy great laptop around with me? I love my lists, I NEED my lists, but seriously dude, is there anything actually WRONG with lists on paper? I think not! 

Oh yeah, and the money part wasn’t too fun either – but apparently his expectations of my ‘bending the truth’ were actually nowhere near accurate – I was at least 5k under where he thought I really was – yay for me!

Maybe that means he still secretly expects me to spend even more??? Hmmm… And maybe he’s really quite happy with that amount??? Hmmm… Interesting…

 

If only I had one of these in my garden...

First Things First… Checklist 1…

I think I might be getting a bit ahead of myself here. I need a list! I’ve had a very unproductive few days and the wedding is only 439 days away – not that I’m counting or anything…

1. Scream – check (several times)

2. Tell the world – check (oh crap – forgot to tell Auntie Gwenda!)

3. Write to Auntie Gwenda to tell her (oops!)

4. Decide when I (sorry, ‘we’), want to get married – check (a Saturday in Summer 2010)

5. Make a rough Budget (and then feel sick at the thought of spending so much money in one day – ugh) – check

6. Look at venues, pick one (much easier said than done) and hopefully book the date – check (July 17th 2010 – woo hoo!)

7. Pick a type of ceremony (Church or Civil) and book it – no check (really, really, really hard!!! Ugh!!!)

8. Have an engagement party – check (3 in our case – one in Scotland – check – one in Birmingham – May 23rd – and one in London – date tbc)

9. Enjoy being engaged and buy a dress for your party – happening tomorrow – woo hoo!

10. Start writing your lists and get organised – CHECK!

Ok so I’m not in as bad a shape as I thought I was, although if it’s discovered I’ve forgotten to write to Auntie Gwenda I’m buggered – best get on that now me thinks! And then I guess its just back to the ceremony bit and once that’s sorted the real fun begins – DRESS SHOPPING!!! Woo Hoo!!!

 

I'm making a list, I'm checking it twice, I'm gonna find out who's naughty or nice... and then decide who to invite!

To Tan Or Not To Tan?

Now that really is the question. So I’m off to do the whole ‘dress’ thing next Tuesday with my mommy dearest and it’s just occurred to me that if I don’t want to be my usual pasty-faced self for the wedding, then I should probably get ‘baked’ before the big ‘try on’ right? I think so!

Hmmm, so what’s my usual skin colour I hear you ask? Manky milk I’d say (you know when milk goes off a bit and gets a bit of a creamy colour to it – that’s me – but with brown bits in it - aka freckles) – would  you really want to look like that on your wedding day?!?

 So should I really be ‘true’ to myself or should I go ‘anti-Gok’ and embrace my un-natural beauty? Fakery baby, you’ve gotta love the possibilities…

Oh good lord, I do believe this person may have taken the tan thing a little too far though... ewww!

It Was My Birthday? When?

If someone close to me was to describe me and my love of birthdays to you, they would probably tell you first off about how I write my Birthday list about four months in advance and practically have a running countdown from the day after my birthday from the previous year. And, whilst this may sound a little strange (or even mercenary?!), it’s just a silly part of me that makes people laugh and I love it!

So imagine my shock when I actually realised that in all this bridal brilliance that I’d actually FORGOTTEN that it was my birthday?! That’s as unheard of as the Sun forgetting to put a girl on Page 3, Victoria Beckham forgetting to go out without designer clothes on or an alcoholic forgetting to buy a drink! It just doesn’t happen people!

To me! I'm now 28, as of the 24th of April! (Apparently!)

How To Lose Friends & Alienate People…

… Plan a wedding. Yes that’s right. I’ve been engaged for less than a month and already I’ve managed to piss off half of my family and annoy some of my friends. And that’s just from TALKING about the invite situation! Ugh!

I admit that I have been a little ‘put out’ by not being invited to people’s weddings in the past, (and yes I might be being kind to myself and understating that slightly but its my blog people and I’m allowed to be self ‘inflating’ if I want to be!) 

I accept that I probably now owe those people an apology for getting annoyed in the first place, but to be fair, I only really realised the whole ‘numbers V’s cost’ issue once I’d gotten engaged. So maybe I am being a little bit hypocritical to expect my friends and family to be a little bit more understanding than I was? Or should I just not really give a monkeys nuts seen as the people who are most likely to be annoyed at me are the ones that I don’t see that much anyway? Ugh it’s all such a palava! (Brummy word, means big hassle/ stress!) Either way, weddings are fab; trying to decide on who to invite however, now that really sucks.

 

Something to look forward to people... ugh!

What’s In A Theme?

I’ve postponed the deciding of the ‘marriage’ part until after my back to school open day, so the next item on my list (one of my lists anyway), is ‘Theme’ ta-dahhh! 

It seems strange I think, to have to decide upon a ‘theme’ – makes it sound more like a fancy dress party than a wedding right?Apparently though I’m wrong again because you need a theme in order to be able to decide upon things like what music you want, what decorations, flowers, place cards, table plans, center pieces, blah blah blah, you want.

So now the truly crazy part of me has taken over and my themes have gone from Red and White, to Scottish (Fraser duh!), right the way through to Harry Potter (that would be a very amazingly unforgettable wedding me thinks!) But I think I’ve come up with the BEST solution to this largely very difficult decision.

Basically I want a wedding that truly expresses me and Fraser and how we are together and individually. (No I’m not going to have ‘Crazy’ as my theme), but I have however come up with, what I think, is the ultimate in wedding wackiness…

 

As awesome as it would be, I think I'd fall off a broom in my dress... sigh... shame...

Food Glorious Food! Or Jelly Anyway…

Food. I love it. I mean, what’s not to love? Sweet, sour, tender, well done, chocolate,ice cream, cucumber… I just love food. Unfortunately though my love for food apparently doesn’t quite agree with the ‘quality’ food that ‘head chefs’ would have me serve.

In all this, the one thing that has really gotten my knickers well and truly in a twist, is when wedding venues tells me they ‘won’t’ do what I want because ‘the chef wouldn’t like it’. I’m sorry but who gives a rats ass?! If I want jelly and ice cream as my dessert and I’m paying for it, WHY THE HELL CAN’T I HAVE IT?! What gives these uptight arses the right to turn their noses up at my delicate yet slightly childlike taste buds?! Not a blood things that’s what!

Who wants to pay £100 a head for food that no one really knows what they’re looking at, let alone what they’re eating? I refuse to pay a fortune for fancy food that I know my family would hate. So my advice to you is to check with your venue before you fall in love with it that they will actually let you chose your own food! Sounds ridiculous right? Afraid not – the venue that I finally picked was only one of TWO venues that would actually let me serve what I wanted to! (Although I have had to pay extra for it!) 

The moral of this story? Haggle first and sign later! Or on your empty stomach be it!

 

Yummy yummy yummy, I've got a cold in my tummy!

Church Vs Civil – The Big Debate

Since I was a kid I’ve had this dream, of getting married. Thing is though, the dream has changed more times than than my Dad has lost hairs – and that’s a lot (sorry Dad but you know it’s true!) Seriously though.

When I was about 5 I wanted a big Church wedding with all the bells and whistles (of flowers anyway). By the time I was 11 I wanted to run away and get married at Gretna Green – admittedly I didn’t even know where that was - but it sounded cool.

Next on the list was a Beach Wedding, followed by a Church Wedding – but being escorted down the aisle by two Dalmatians (first film had just come out – and again – I am a little bit ‘unique’) – oh and not forgetting I didn’t actually want the ‘married bit’ (who knows how that would even work?!)

The penultimate venue on my wacky wedding wish list was to get married at Camp – yes I’m English but I worked at a summer camp in America for 4 years – and that’s where me and Frase met, so it always feels like a home away from home for me. Unfortunately though Fraser didn’t quite see the beauty in it, moron that he is.

Finally I came back to the Church idea. Then I saw my reception Venue. It has an island. It’s own Island. Its beautiful. And now I’m confused again. Here we go again…

Camp would have been perfect...

Feeling Of Dread…

OK so I have insomnia. And with that quite often comes an unrelenting lack of sleep that will inadvertently, intensify every single one of your inner most fears. Because what happens when you can’t sleep? You think. And think. And think. And in my case those thoughts often turn to all the things that I fear the most.

In this particular instance, that fear is of losing Fraser, or of something bad happening to us. I literally could not sleep at all last night – and why? Because I was so happy. Messed up or what!

I know it sounds crazy but I am so happy right now that the narcissist in me is telling me that surely something awful must be about to happen because I am simply not this lucky. I have a man that I love, and who loves me. I have the most amazing family in the world who I adore, and some truly fantastic friends. Add to that the fact that I am currently planning the wedding of my dreams, and surely, surely something bad must be about to happen to ruin all that? I just can’t shake the bloody feeling and it’s scaring the, as Auntie Paddy used to say, bejeezes out of me! Ugh! Does this happen to all bride-to be’s, or am I just as nutty as a bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes?!

Jury’s still out on that one me thinks…

 

If only I had my own Yoda to calm my anxious brain...

The One…

No not Fraser! The Venue!!!

The first venue that really caught my eye was on a farm and it was AMAZING! It had a marquee that had twinkle lights in the roof so that when it went dark and they came on it was like dancing under the stars – only less cold and more romantic. There were a few others that I also liked but non that really had that magical feeling. (If I could have gotten married at Hogwarts by the way, I would have!) And then I found ‘the one’. And no Caroline, I am not going to name it on here!

So how do you know if it’s the one? Simple. I knew because I cried four times while my lovely Ben (the wedding coordinator at the venue), showed me and my sister around. (They also have great toilets!) You may laugh people, but be honest with yourselves. If you go somewhere, anywhere, be it a party or a club, even a friends house, and the toilet is rank, it puts you off doesn’t it?! And if they are nice, and clean, and have fancy soap, it makes a difference. Now imagine, on your wedding day, that your friends and family go to the loo and they’re blocked and stinking and the smell wafts out into your wedding reception… not a pretty thought right?! I also have the added issue that one of my guests has a phobia of toilet chains – and no I didn’t make that up. She literally would not go into a place if she knew there was, thought she might hear, or god forbid, saw, a toilet chain! I would laugh but I have an even weirder phobia that, by the way, I have no intention of sharing with you.

So anyway, the toilets were lovely, the place was amazing, and Ben, bless him, was able to answer all of my insane questions and was almost as excited as me when I asked him about the possibility of hiring bumper cars for the reception… Yay!

 

There's even fancy soap in the loos!

You Charge How Much?

Once you’ve picked your top twenty its time to start requesting wedding brochures – and despite the nagging feeling of how on earth would I pick the right one and what if I pick the wrong one, it really is a lot of fun looking at all these places. I mean they are all so different – and so beautiful. Its a daunting task and as scary as hell once you actually start trying to figure out if you can even afford these places that you have now fallen in love with! 

Something I also forgot to mention is that I have previously worked as a Bridal Consultant and as a wedding planner, so I’m a little ahead of the game in knowing what I want and how to work out a rough Budget. Or at least I thought I was. 

One thing that I had failed to budget for, simply because I didn’t realise I had to, was a venue hire fee. I just assumed, and apparently wrongly so, that if I was being asked to fork over £50 per head for a meal, the venue would kind of be included in what they call ‘the wedding package’. Wrong! I was gobsmacked! Be warned people – even if you do a rough work out that your food and drink will come to about £100 per head (which by the way, is apparently average!), it doesn’t include the actual room that they will be served in! And guess how much the ‘average’ charge is?! Well, that depends apparently. If you want ‘exclusive use’ – even though in some places you have to have ‘exclusive use’, it can be anywhere from £1500 right the way up to £18000! Yes I said EIGHTEEN THOUSAND POUNDS!!! Needless to say that one was straight off the list! Luckily though there are still some nice venues who will give you the room for free seen as you’ll probably be spending abut ten to fifteen grand with them anyway – isn’t that nice of them!

 

What the wedding magazines should really have on their front covers!

You Seat How Many???

Once you start looking into your perfect venue you begin to realise that things aren’t going to be quite as simple, or as easy, as you once may have thought. (Unless you are very very lucky!) For me it was the start of two weeks of even less sleep than normal and the beginning of Fraser asking himself, why, why on earth did he ask me that one little question?! 

After looking at my 100 or so venues on line I narrowed them down into categories of ‘felt right’, ‘wrong’, ‘expensive’ and ‘cheap’. Typically, me being me, most of the ‘felt’ right ones were not also in the ‘cheap’ section but could happily slide their way into the ‘expensive’ category! Great!

One other key thing that I forgot to mention is that you need to have a rough idea of how many people you think you might want to see you marry the man of your dreams. For me, that decision isn’t really my own. I am blessed with having a very large family. I say blessed, but if I’m honest, that ‘blessed’ feeling has been gradually turning into a feeling of ‘how many people am I going to piss off by not inviting them to my wedding?’ Oh the joy!

My venue has to accommodate at least 100 people for the day and 150 for the evening to limit the number of people who won’t be speaking to me by august next year. Again though this didn’t really reduce my venue options as much as I would have thought, or liked. Apparently there are lots, and lots, AND LOTS of venues that can seat that many people! So much for me thinking the silver lining of a massive family would be a shorter supply of suitable venues!

 

So I googled 'Humpage family tree'... no seriously I did...

The Search Begins…

Now that I’ve officially declared myself as insane in the world of list making wedding bloggyness I feel comfortable to tell you that if you thought you had known stress before, believe me when I tell you that until you have begun the seemingly never ending task of venue finding, you absolutely, 100%, totally and utterly are not allowed to say, or assume, that you even know the meaning of the word ‘stress’. 

If you were to ask any of my friends, family and especially Fraser, they would all tell you that I am, by definition, an exaggerator. Even so, I don’t think I’m going overboard when I say that I have looked at, no word of a lie, at least a hundred different venues. Admittedly, at least 96 of these have been on-line, but even so, do you know how much time that takes?!  

First of all, you need to decide what kind of place, or look you want. Oldy-worldy, new and modern, old fashioned and romantic, fun and different?! Which one? For me I always thought I wanted a barn – random I know, or at the very least, somewhere that would look really nice during the day and very romantic at night. I thought this would limit my options, especially seen as it had to be within an hour of Birmingham. Boy was I wrong.

 

I swear I'm gonna end up in the funny farm after all this...

Section (me…)

List number 1: The Overview

So this is just an overview of the very first list that I made – I’d been engaged for less than 1 full day at this point and wrote the list at 5:34 in the morning whilst my new ‘Fiance’ (still can’t get used to saying that!), slept peacefully, blissfully unaware of the monster that he’d created by saying those four little words…

Schedules (you have to have a schedule!), Church, venue, food, entertainment, flowers, ushers, bestman, bridesmaids, maid of honour, favours, kilts, suits, bridesmaids dresses, bridesmaids shoes, dress, jewellery, invites, save the dates, table plan, seating cards, center pieces, gifts, engagement tea/ parties, honeymoon, bags, luggage, hen party, stag party, gift list – engagement, gift list – wedding, photographer, videographer, hairdresser, make-up, web page/ blog (ta-dah!), hotels, guest list, seperate reception, entertainment, random items, wedding fairs, manicures, pedicures, massages, tanning, waxing, pre-wedding holiday, date, bank account/ joint saving, speeches/ speakers, wedding book, theme, colour scheme, cars, veil?, tiara, trail, 1st dance, music, dance lessons, collages, order of service, menus, unique-ness, discounts/ save money where?, mother of the bride outfit, engagement photos, presents for each other, vows, flower girl/ page boy?, free bar?, fireworks?

And this is just the short version!!! Poor Fraser…

Oh yes...

 

‘The Book’

By the time I actually got back to my flat my knuckles were dragging on the ground and I’d developed the hump that already exists in my surname. Seriously, stationary is heavy! It didn’t matter though. I was through the front door and into the book making before my other half could even say ‘what the….?’

First things first then, I know it sounds crazy, but the one thing that people never really tell you, or if they do, you never really understand it until you’re in the position, is quite HOW MUCH, a bride has to do. I could list the things but it’d fill my blog and every other blog in the land of bloggyness, so instead I’ll just tell you what I did – prioritise people!

I got my ring-binder, my page and section dividers, file tabs, plastic file covers, my little gold stars and away I went. Twelve categories – and that’s just the beginning.

Fraser has mocked me from the start – he says I have lists to keep track of my lists – and do you know what? He’s absolutely right, I do. But I’m telling you now, you need them. If you’re other half is as useless as mine when it comes to organising anything, you will begin to love your lists and embrace the fact that, slowly but surely, you too have become a LISTAHOLIC!!! Be proud people!

 

If only my lists were this short...

The 1st Shop – Stationary!!!

OK, so I know that sounds like I have really screwed up priorities and that as an unofficial ‘bridezilla’ I should have booked my venue and been straight to the dress makers, but seriously, my love for stationary and all things stripey literally took over my body and mind like a chocoholic with a 3 month withdrawal and became this huge overwhelming desire to get organized and have a pretty pink ‘wedding book’. And I don’t even really like pink! What’s happened to me?!

I practically ran up the hill to get to the stationary shop and then proceeded to spend an hour, yes that’s right, an HOUR, looking at every variety of folder and ring-binder available to man! Or Bride in my case! £45 later (yes you read that right), and three heavy bags dragging my arms so low that my appearance is slowly actually beginning to resemble a real bridezilla, I stumbled the mile back to my cosy (and now very wedding overloaded), flat to begin the fantastically fun task of creating ‘the book’.

 

Sorry but mine will be way better than this one...

What Happens Next?

OK, so you’ve had your dream proposal (or a proposal anyway), now what do you do? Well if you’re anything like me you cry a bit, hug your new ‘Fiance’, call everyone you know – or text them in my case, then what? What I didn’t quite realise, and tell me if I’m wrong, is that from that point on your life becomes one huge mass of question after question after question. ‘So when’s the wedding?’, ‘Have you set a date yet?’, ‘Why not?’, ‘What’s the rush?’, ‘Why wait?’, ‘Will it be a church?’, ‘If not, why not?’, ‘If so, which one?’, it literally does not stop!

All I want to do is scream ‘I DON’T BLOODY KNOW YET!!!’ Everyone assumes that because I’ve wanted to be engaged for a long time, I automatically have a list of things and know exactly what I want and when I want it, and, to be fair, I did think I knew it all pretty much. That is, until I actually started looking.  That’s when the real stress and sleepless-ness really starts!

Leave Me Alone!!!!

April 4th, 2009

Imagine this. You’ve been with your other half for almost five years, put in every effort you can to make the whole thing work, and to convince yourself that it will happen, that you will, one day (soon hopefully), get that perfect proposal. And then you do. But not quite in the way you imagined.

I always thought I’d be swept off my feet, obviously it’d be done when I was fully made-up and dressed to kill with hair that looked almost air-brushed because it was so perfect, and nails that could rip a small mans head off because they were manicured to perfection?! I’d be serenely happy, have small animals running around after me, basking in the limelight of my deliriously good mood and no man in his right mind could resist such a woman! It’d be amazing! Perfect right? Wrong.

What I did not envisage, was that it would happen when I was coming out of the bathroom in my ‘Little Miss Naughty’ shorty pj’s with my hair all over the place, smudges of last nights mascara down my face, breath that could probably keep a vampire away from a thousand feet and being in the foulest, gumpiest, most imsomniac-induced strop you’ve ever seen! But it did!

And it was perfect!

Does he really know what he's let himself in for?!?

Where it all began…

Where to start? Well I’ve been an insomniac for as far back as I can remember so I don’t really feel the need to bore you with the details of that. So I guess I’ll start with last weekend, where this all began…

Insomniac Bride

As the title of this blog already suggests, I am an insomniac, and as of last week, I am now also a bride-to-be. If I thought I had problems sleeping before, I didn’t really know the meaning of the word ‘tired’ until I started the seemingly never ending task of venue finding…